11 Things That I'm Not So Thankful For
Yes, I have a lot to be eternally thankful for, but as a privileged American citizen with rights and opportunities that far exceed those of others, I think I’m allowed to complain about the things that I am not so thankful for. Let’s indulge.
- Post Binge Guilt- I’m a human, am I not? Sometimes we binge four consecutive days in a row. I just wish I didn’t hate myself so much for it. So I’m not thankful for feeling disgusted with myself and what I’ve eaten over the last few days.
- Work- I should be thankful that I have a job and I can make money to buy myself nice useless things on black Friday, but… do I really have to go, like, everyday?
- Citations- I got pulled over the day before Thanksgiving. I’m not thankful.
- My Lack of Self Control- I am currently loathing myself over all the food I’ve eaten.
- My Perpetual Singlehood- It’s nice to be able to spend my Saturday nights inside, alone, no where to go, no one to spend them with, no one to talk to, no-one to snuggle with, no one to vent to, no one to connect with. It’s great. It’s really fantastic.
- Debt- America, the land of opportunity. The only place in the world where you can acquire a fulsome amount of debt before you can legally drink.
- The Obligatory “We Should Hangout Sometime” Conversations- Whenever I come home for Thanksgiving, I normally run into old high school acquaintances from time to time. I just wish that we didn’t end our conversations with broken promises of get togethers that we both know neither of us will make an effort to initiate.
- The Cold- What’s that about? The seasons change, and just when I’m getting comfortable with the warm weather, all of a sudden it’s cold. And this happens every friggin year.
- My High Expectations of Life- I can say with confidence that all the things I looked forward to in adulthood have been unexpectedly disappointing. I should’ve seen it coming, but I didn’t.
- Destitution- For once in my life, I don’t think this is too much to ask you, but for once in my life, I would love to buy lunch without having to declare bankruptcy every single time.
- 2018- I should be thankful I’m around for another year but with another year comes 365 more opportunities to fuck up my life even more.